omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
