I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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