i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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