i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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