Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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