Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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