Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize