My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
