At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize