They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
