drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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