im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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