I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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