im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
