you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
