: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
