Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
