I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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