we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
