i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
