Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
