I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
