Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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