guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
