wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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