is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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