My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
