she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
