sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
