I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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