I'm passing your future prison.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize