it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
