I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
