Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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