question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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