Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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