hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
