My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
