my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
