just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize