We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
