Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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