I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
