I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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