RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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