in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
