Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
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