you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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