riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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