Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
