I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
