I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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