Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize