Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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