I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
