Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
