i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
