I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
