I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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