Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
