I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
