I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
