I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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