At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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