she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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