party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
