She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
