so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
