Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
