PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So much rum. So many feels.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
