So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize