It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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