u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
